The conversation that reminded me who I was

I am Ilhama – a medical specialist, a mother of two sons, and the voice behind withilhama.com. This is how this blog came to be.

A while ago I was sitting at home at the table with my two sons. We were talking about all sorts of things. At one point my eldest looked at me and said something I have never forgotten:

“Mum, you have been through hell. And now you are you.”

It startled me. Not because of what he said, but because I had forgotten it myself.

I am happy. Truly happy. My days are full, my work gives me purpose and motivation, my boys are my pride. That I had been through something hard – that awareness had grown soft, sunk somewhere deep beneath all the new life I had built. But my son had seen it all, and with a single sentence he handed the mirror back to me.

I will not explain exactly what the hell was. What matters more is this: I am standing here now. Not despite those years, but because of them.

During those years I raised two children largely on my own. I rebuilt my life in a foreign country. I trained in medicine twice over, followed by two specialist training programmes. Not because it was easy, but because giving up simply was not an option…

Perhaps that is also why I look at people differently today. Behind a quiet smile, an entire story of survival can be hiding.

And ever since that conversation with my son, an idea has been taking shape in me that will not go away – I have to write.

Bronnie Ware wrote The Top Five Regrets of the Dying after years working in palliative care. Five forms of regret kept coming back. Not one of them was about money or possessions. They were about not having lived true to yourself, not having expressed your feelings, having lost touch with the people you love and, strikingly, about having worked too hard.

It is no accident that the English word for a gift is also present. The now is everything. That is what this blog wants to be. Perhaps true presence is the greatest gift we can still give one another.

I write for people who are having a hard time and want to understand why. For those who want to learn without having to make every mistake themselves.

We do not have to live through everything ourselves in order to learn; we can also look at what others have endured, and learn from that.

My promise to you: I only write what I have tested myself, lived through, or carefully researched. No marketing disguised as advice. No false positivity. No vagueness.

What you will find here

Body & nutrition — what really works, and what is hype
Productivity & mind — living smarter, not harder
Scent — the quiet language of perfume, smell and memory
Did you know… — surprising facts, honestly researched
Self-reflections — from a life I have rebuilt twice

Read me the way you would read a seasoned colleague who writes her findings down for you, so you do not have to work it all out on your own.

One thing I want to leave you with, even if you never return to this page:

Read something today. Anything at all. A book, an article, this blog.

Because what you read shapes you. And what shapes you, you become.

Where to start

— Ilhama